Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Basement Bulletin - 10/10

Basement Bulletin

WWE has its training center, Stu Hart had his dungeon, KCWF has The Basement.  All wrestling superstars need to get their start somewhere.  Future stars of KCWF learn the business from the best LFF and XCW have to offer. 

The Right was recently sent back to the basement to revamp his limited move set.  He was focusing so much on punishment and power that he was winning matches.  Monday was his first night trying out what he had learned in the ring.  Prince McSham didn’t want to throw him in front of a crowd without being sure he was ready.

The night’s training match would feature The Right and Rog Braves; but before they were to take the ring LFF stars, The Mercinator and Pauly “The Pigeon” Piccone, would show the students how it’s done.  The match started with a quick rear chin lock by the Mercinator, followed by a gut wrench and a quick pin after a Bullseye.  1, 2, 3. 

A squash match?  They were teaching with a squash?   McSham laid into the competitors and they went at it again.

The second match started the same way as the first.  But this time Pauly kicked out.  He starred down The Mercinator as if to say “you’re trying that crap again.”  Now the action went back and forth with neither man taking the advantage for long.  Suddenly, The Pigeon landed a roundhouse punch followed by an unstoppable, Dead Man’s Hand.  1, 2,… right before the ref’s hand could fall for the 3 count, The Mercinator kicked out!  He hopped up and hit The Pigeon with an oblivion bomb for the 1, 2, 3.

The story telling was much, much better in the second match and The Right and Rog Braves took the ring.  The Right adjusted his emphasis a little bit so as not to focus on strength so much.  The combatants battled back-and-forth with neither one gaining an advantage.  Finally, The Right was able to land a 360 lariat, one of the new moves he was being taught.  This allowed him to seize the advantage and win the match via countout.

Monday, October 10, 2016

News and Notes: New Titles, Roster News

Well, Moonshine threw a wrinkle into the whole "Women's Division" idea that was hatched for Kalamazoo Card Wrestling Federation.  At a house show on the south-side, Moonshine walked away (she was in no shape to drive) with the KCWF Championship belt.  Since she challenged and defeated ??? the titles are now being combined.  This unforeseen event has opened the door for the creation of a new title!

The best of the best for ALL wrestlers will now compete for the KCWF World Championship! AKA The World Title!

Hungry up-and-comers will vie for the KCFW Inter-City Championship! AKA: The IC Title!

A tournament at the next PPV Event will be held to find the Inaugural IC Champion.

Roster News:

After the PPV failure, House Show failure, and self-chastisement The Right is being sent down to developmental.  Hopefully he can concur his demons and faults and make his way back up to the main roster

Saturday, October 8, 2016

October 2016 House Show

House Show – Southside Hall

October 2, 2016

KCWF held its first house show in Southside Hall on Sunday, October 2.  The night was to feature 5 undercard bouts and be headlined by a special attraction match between two of the LFF’s most popular combatants, El Super Hombre and Snake Pit!

The night’s first match pit KCWF newcomer Gregor the Magnificent and KCWF tournament runner-up The Right.  Gregor was the first to enter the ring followed by The Right.  The match began with a flurry of strikes from The Right.  The early part of the bout was dominated by KCWF vet.  He hit his finishing strike, Piercer, which was shrugged off by the Magnificent one with a kick out before the referee even counted one.  This was followed by The Right attempting to hoist Gregor up for The Wrack but he was unable to.  Finally, he hit his opponent with The Crucifix.  Still Gregor kicked out just before the three count could come down.  The frustration was all over The Right’s face.  He blindly walked right into the Gallows and was finished by Gregor.

After the match the two competitors walked to the back.  Screaming, yelling, and the crack of a whip were heard coming from the locker room.  This intrepid reporter went back to find The Right whipping himself miraculously.  He saw me, I ran out as fast as I could.

The next match was supposed to be a women’s match between Llama Natsu and La Muñeca.  As the wrestlers came down to the ring they were interrupted by Moonshine with a mic from the entrance ramp.

“This match was supposed to find the next challenger for the KCWF Women’s Championship.”  The crowd on hand went wild for the declaration.  “…but that’s not gonna happen.  You see I won this belt by destroying my competition at Genesis.  You both had your shot.  But I didn’t get mine!  They gave the “top tile” to that bag-man, whatever his name is.  I deserve that title!  No one in this federation has the ability to beat me!  So, I couldn’t care less if you wastes-of-space have a match or not.  You just won’t be facing me for my title.  Tonight, I’ll be wrestling that bag of a wrestler the KCWF calls there champion!”

With that Moonshine threw down the mic and the gauntlet.  Natsu and Muñeca shrugged to each other and headed to the back.

The Next match featured Korr the Konqueror vs Jorge “JFK” Kennady.  The Politian took the initiative of trying to look-up with the man mountain.  Korr was having none of it as he threw “JFK” to the floor.  Jorge jump quickly to his feet brushing himself of trying to pretend he hadn’t just tasted the canvas.  The two traded blows and holds for a time until the Konqueror had enough of Kennady.  He hit his competitor with his patented Decap Attack and that was all she wrote.

Before the fourth match could begin we heard from ??? about Moonshine’s comments.  Well, we didn’t hear from him exactly, he just stood there… with a bag on his head.  “Well… Moonshine?” the interviewer said.  ??? faced the crowd as if to get their feeling.  They roared in approval and the Mystery man ended the interview with an emphatic hand raise, as if to say “they want it, they get it”.

The next match was supposed to be for the new number one contender for the title held by ???.  Dr. Skullface was taking on Draco.  The two squared off I guess to see who would take on the winner of ??? and Moonshine.  What a match they had!  The two men laid it all on the line.  The Doctor was trying every trick in the book.  Draco was flying all around the ring.  Skullface threw out the Trocar Trap.  Kick out.  Draco tried the Leatherback-Out.  Kick out.  Skullface tried to perform Exploratory Surgery.  Draco tried the Snap Jaw Squeeze.  Finally, Dr. Skullface had Draco all lined up for the Amputap-out but Draco countered flawlessly to the Scale Slam.  1, 2, 3!

Prince McSham took the microphone to a chorus of boos.

“I’m here to announce a change to tonight’s main event.  Super El Hombre and Snake Pit have both said they refuse to wrestle for an organization that would allow a female wrestler to challenge for the title.  I assured them the match between ??? and Moonshine would not be happening tonight or ever.  (Boos!)  They still said they wouldn’t perform for such a crowd as this.  To that I said, “ well, don’t let the door hit ya!”  Now the KCWF presents to you, for the first time ever, the unification of our top belts into the Kalamazoo Card Wrestling Federation World Championship!”

The crowd went absolutely wild.  The stage is set for our two belts, our two champions to fight to become the KCWF World Champion!!!

Standing in the center of the ring the mysterious ??? was motionless, head cocked, staring at the eterance ramp as Moonshine charged and dived into the ring.  Before the bell could even ring the match began!  Moonshine jumped up and unleashed a savage forearm strike to her opponent’s head, followed by a crushing kick to the mid-section.  Nearly collapsing, ??? managed to stand to his feet only to be thrown upside down and into the punishing Moonshiner!  A pin!  But a quick kick out from the heroic bagman who rolled away from the hulking bootlegger. 

“Looks like you outta be in the damn Women’s Division with moves like those!!” taunted Moonshine. 

With a questioning look ??? charged forward and locked up with her only to be quickly humiliated by Moonshine’s reversal into the crushing strike of Hit the Handle.  Nearly unconscious, ??? lay flat on his back for 1… 2… before weakly lifting his shoulder off the mat. 

“Stay down would ya!  I got some drinkin’ to do!!” Moonshine hollered while delivering a brutal kick to the bagged head of ???.

Rolling out of the ring to escape his opponent, ??? seemed oblivious to his surroundings.  Stumbling to his feet, ??? staggered towards the crowd before collapsing over th barrier and onto the crowd. 

“Hold up!  You already got a taste of my shine?!” roared Moonshine as she looked around frantically for her precious shine bottle and downing nearly half of the potent potion before her.

Meanwhile, the referee began counting.  Fans roared in support, working to stand up, the injured and barely conscious ??? pushed towards the ring.  8…  9…  With one last effort, ??? lunged for the ropes ringside but stumbled and crashed face first into the ring post instead.  10!!  Count out!!  And without even realizing she had just won the match, Moonshine tossed her empty jug straight at the bagged head of ???  Moonshine picked up her second belt and stumbled out of the ring and into the back muttering.

“… gots to find me a real match… none of these city boys got enough to take on me”

The final match had turned KCWF on its head.  Two titles held by one superstar?

Friday, September 30, 2016


9/24/16 – Kalamazoo Michigan

Saturday’s inaugural KCWF Event was held to crown the KCWF Champion as well as the KCWF Women’s Champion.  Tournaments were filled by the new superstars of KCWF, 8 for the men and 4 for the women.

The night began with ring announcer Lladnar Sivad, welcoming the crowd and informing them of what’s going to be happening.  He explained that tonight would see the crowning of the first ever Kalamazoo Card Wrestling Federation Champion and the Kalamazoo Card Wrestling Federation Women’s Champion.  Tournaments have been setup to find the Winners.

The first bout of the KCWF Championship tournament was all set to begin.  The opening bout of the night pitted the dark, Dr. Skullface and drive time disk jockey, Spin Doctor.  The match started with the Evil Doctor locking the Whirling Wonder into a tight front head lock.  A rake of the eyes from Dr. Skullface was followed by a vicious backbreaker and some abnormally brutal ground-and-pound.  Skullface lifted Spin doctor by his hair leading to his Exploratory Surgery finisher.  1-2-3 and an easy first round victory belonged to Dr. Skullface.

The evenings second bout saw Jorge “JFK” Kennady taking on the mysterious, ???.  JFK was first to enter the ring, waving to the crowd and shaking as many hands as possible.  Next ??? began his stroll to the ring to the raucous applause of the KCWF Universe.  Before the bag man could even get to the ring, Dr. Skullface appeared on the ramp behind him, running him down and hitting him in the bag with his Trocar Trap.  The mysterious ? slowly got to his feet as event staff attempted to hold back the raging doctor.  Skullface broke free of his would be captors only to be brought to his knees by a swift junk kick.   ??? finished his walk to the ring and the match began.  Kennady and ??? locked up in the center of the squared circle.  How much did his recent encounter take out of the Bagged One?   Not enough for JFK.  After five minutes of trading offence, ??? hit the Slamaroonie and that was all she wrote.  ??? had advanced to the second round were Dr. Skullface would be waiting for him.

The third match was set to begin.  Sly Tuffhand strolled to the ring delighting the crowd with magic tricks as he went.  He stopped on the ring apron just before entering and turned to the crowd.  With a now “devilish” grin on his face, he reached into his jacket pocket.  He removed a large foam figure.  As he raised it to the crowd there was an audible gasp.  The foam hand was holding up its middle finger and was emblazoned with the words “You Fools.”  Just then the arena went dark.  Soft piano music could be heard.  Columns of fire erupted from the stage, as distorted guitars and heavy drumming joined the piano.  Between the columns stood a wrestler draped in a cloak, both arms slowly raised until they were held out to the side like a cross.  His hands lowered as he began his slow walk to the ring.  As soon as The Right had entered the ring the bell sounded to start the match.  Sly Tuffhand had used the entrance to set-up a trap for The Right.  He had dawned brass knuckles on his hand with the intent of hitting a quick Sucker Punch, and ending the match early.  The Right had other ideas and stopped him cold with a bow and arrow submission causing Sly to drop his weapon. The Right then proceeded to inflict as much pain as possible, hitting his opponent with multiple stiff strikes.  Just when it looked like the punishment would end, Sly Tuffhand was hoisted up onto The Rights shoulders.  Tuffhand was in The Wrack.  The pain was too great to bear and the magician passed out.  The end of the match due to technical submission was not enough punishment according to The Right.  He lifted his opponent up into The Crucifix and slammed his unconscious body to the mat.  The Right moves on.

The final first round bout saw the high flying Draco take on Korr the Konqueror.  The Konqueror was accompanied to the ring by women’s competitor, Llama Natsu.  The behemoth of a man entered by stepping over the top rope.  Draco entered the arena slithering around on all fours.  His head darted to the left and to the right as he gazed upon the crowd.  As he came close to the ring he sprung to his feet and flipped over the top rope, landing gracefully and ready to strike.  Korr glared at the diminutive Draco, (well diminutive to him).  The match began and Draco was wrestling circles around his opponent.  The bigger but slower man couldn’t catch-up to the quick moving Draco.  Draco got a bit over confident and attempted a high-flying top turnbuckle move.  As the fast flyer leapt toward his opponent, he was caught by the Konqueror. A side slam later and Draco was grounded.  Instead of ceasing the advantage, the giant turned to the crowd for adoration for what had just happened.  The big man turned his back on Draco and that was the only opening he needed.  Draco reached up to Korr catching him off guard and rolling him up for the pin.  Draco goes forward to meet The Right.

After four fun filled men’s matches it was time for the women of the KCWF to take to the mats.

The first match saw crowd favorite, La Muñeca, taking on the largest of the female competitors, Mother Mercy.  The match didn’t last long as Mother Mercy began her beat down as soon as the bell had rung.  She threw The Doll into the turnbuckle and proceeded to deliver a barrage of strikes to her smaller opponent.  The destruction ended with La Muñeca being placed in The Rosary, leading to a quick tap.  Mother Mercy did not live up to her name as it took three referees to pull her off and release her broken competitor from the hold.

The second women’s match of the night pitted Moonshine versus Llama Natsu.  Llama Natsu came down to the ring accompanied by Korr the Konqueror.  Her colorful persona and overjoyed to be there mentality instantly endeared her to the crowd.  She danced around the ring, jumping up on all four ring post to soak up the adoration of the crowd.  The mood soured a bit as Moonshine entered the fray.  All this happy-go-lucky fanfare made her nauseous, she wasn’t about to seek anything from the fans in attendance.  The match began with Llama reaching out a hand to offer pre-match pleasantries to Moonshine.  The backwoodsy tough girl just looked down at the hand in disgust.  Instead of a handshake, Llama Natsu was greeted with a swift super kick to the side of the head.  The shinemaker blasted away at the stunned Datsu.  Korr had seen enough and pulled himself up onto the apron.  Moonshine saw this and greeted his interference with some White Lightning, knocking the barbarian to the floor.  The ref rightly signaled for the bell declaring the winner, by DQ, Moonshine.

By this time the fans were all worked up.  Six matches and no snack/bathroom breaks among them.  Well, now they can go.  This was the portion of the show where we were “blessed” by an appearance from Prince McSham.  He was expounding on the virtues of this great organization.  Then I went for some nachos…

It was time for the men’s semifinal matches.  First up was the match between Dr. Skullface and ???.  The competitors circled each other as they sized one another up.  The two men tied up in the center of the ring and again Skullface went for a rake of the eyes.  But unlike his first match this elicited no reaction from his opponent.  He tried again, still nothing.  ??? cocked his head to the side in a quizzical manner as Skullface sulked away in disbelief.  The Mystery-man followed the Dr. to the corner and opened up some offence.    The two competitors traded blows, slams, and holds with ??? getting the better of Dr. Skullface.  In desperation, the Doctor threw the referee into ??? causing the two to fall to the mat.  ??? was helping the ref to his feet and Dr. Skullface used the distraction to expose one turnbuckle.  He stormed across the ring grabbing the bagman and slinging him in the direction of the turnbuckle.  ??? was able to stop his momentum just before hitting the exposed area.  He turned and saw Dr. Skullface charging toward him.   ??? was able to side step the rushing Doctor and he hurled himself into the corner.  A stunned Skullface stammered to the center or the ring where he was wrapped up into a submission finisher.  “Does this hurt?” was heard over the roar of the crowd.  Evidentially it did, as the Dr. screamed in pain and tapped out at record speed.

The match to see who would face ??? was up next.  The Right made his way to the ring first followed by Draco.  The two competitors would be squaring off for the first time in their careers.  The Right seemed determined not to make the same error Korr the Konqueror had made earlier in the evening.  From the opening bell The Right jumped all over and stayed on top of the high flying Draco.  Punches, kicks, elbows, slams, submission holds, one after another, The Right was destroying Draco.  Almost punishing him for any offence he did attempt.  Finally, The Right backed up to a corner, seemly allowing Draco to rise to his feet. The wrestler slowly rose and turned to face The Right.  The wrestler sprang from the corner slamming into Draco with a terrible strike, Piercer.  Draco laid prone in the ring, The Right placed his boot on Draco’s throat. The referee began his count, MIGHT! MAKES! RIGHT!  The finals were set.

First up was the KCWF Women’s Championship bout between Moonshine and Mother Mercy.

Neither woman appeared nervous at all going into the most important bout of their careers.  Mother Mercy came down first.  She thumped her ruler into the pad of her opposite hand.  She intended to teach her opponent a lesson.  Moonshine came to the ring with the same methodical temperament she always has.  The women sized each other up in the center of the ring.  “Fear is the heart of love,” Mother said.  “Well, I don’t fear you,” came from Moonshine.  A kick to the midsection for Moonshine started us off.  Moonshine ran past Mother Mercy, bounding off the ropes she took down the nun with a neck breaker.  Moonshine quickly made Mother Hit the Handle.  Though the hold was broken the crowd could sense Mother Mercy was too.  Then came the Moonshiner which was blocked but Moonshine wouldn’t be denied.  She immediately brought out the ‘Shiner again and locked up the Mother for the 1, 2, 3.

Ring Announcer, Lladnar Sivad took the center of the ring.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the KCWF proudly presents, the first ever KCWF Women’s Champion, MOONSHINE!”

“And now it’s time for our main event of the evening.  Introducing first, fighting out of the red corner, standing at 6’7” tall, weighing in at 298 pounds, from the Catacombs; The Right!”

“And fighting out of the blue corner, standing… a height, weighing in at… a weight, from… somewhere; how do I say this..? Question marks!?”

The combatants take the center of the ring.  The bell rings and we’re underway.  Neither man is gaining much of an advantage.  The Right is trying to land multiple moves but ??? seems to always have what it takes to make the stop.  Piercer and the Crucifix have been attempted but nothing of note is getting through.  The tide has turned and now ??? is throwing the kitchen sink at The Right.  Everything is being thwarted again.  Both wrestlers have brought their “A” games defensively tonight.   The Right seems to be wearing down from ???’s offence.  A punch! A DDT! A Slamaroonie!  That’s it! It’s over! 1! 2!, 3!  DING, DING, DING  We have a champion!

“Ladies and Gentlemen, your winner, and inaugural KCWF Champion! … I still don’t know how to say this, Question Marks!!?